The first step in releasing unhealthy patterns is understanding where they originate. These cycles often have deep roots, anchored in past traumas, unmet needs, or learned behaviors that were initially protective but now keep us stuck. Our nervous system, designed to keep us safe, holds onto these experiences, shaping how we respond to the world around us.
When we encounter situations that resemble past threats—whether emotional, physical, or relational—our nervous system triggers responses that may have served us before but now feel restrictive. This might look like withdrawing from relationships, avoiding certain situations, or reacting in ways that don’t align with our current needs or desires. These responses can become habitual, even when the original threat is no longer present, leading to a feeling of being trapped in the same cycle.
The Role of the Nervous System
At the core of these patterns is our nervous system, which operates on a subconscious level, often outside of our conscious awareness. Constantly scanning our environment for safety or danger, the nervous system activates survival responses like fight, flight, freeze, or fawn when it detects a threat. These aren’t just mental or emotional reactions—they are deeply embodied experiences that influence how we feel and navigate the world.
We get stuck in these cycles because our nervous system is wired to prioritize safety over change. When the body perceives a potential threat, it resists new experiences, even if those experiences could lead to growth or healing. This is why change can feel so challenging—it’s not just about adopting new behaviors but about convincing your nervous system that it’s safe to do so.
Recognizing this is the first step toward creating lasting change. By understanding that these patterns are deeply ingrained in your nervous system, you can approach your healing with greater compassion. It’s not about “fixing” yourself but about gently guiding your nervous system toward a sense of safety and openness, allowing you to move beyond these old patterns.
A Client's Journey: Reclaiming Power
I once worked with a client, let’s call her Maria, who found herself in a cycle of overcommitting to others at the expense of her well-being. Maria’s pattern stemmed from a deep-seated belief that her worth was tied to how much she could do for others. Her nervous system had learned to associate saying no or setting boundaries with rejection or abandonment, so she would push herself to exhaustion rather than risk disappointing anyone.
In our sessions, we focused on rewiring her nervous system and integrating the underlying trauma. Maria noticed that her chest would tighten and her breath would become shallow—signals that her nervous system was bracing for perceived danger. By introducing somatic practices aimed at calming and retraining her nervous system, Maria began to shift this pattern.
She learned to pause, take a deep breath, and check in with her body before committing to anything. Over time, these small steps helped her nervous system understand that setting boundaries didn’t equate to danger. Maria began to reclaim her energy and felt more empowered to make choices that honored her own needs.
Moving Forward
The journey to breaking free from unhealthy patterns isn’t about forcing change. It’s about understanding that these cycles are deeply rooted in your nervous system, shaped by past experiences that once served to protect you. With compassion and awareness, you can begin to guide your nervous system toward a state of safety, allowing you to step out of these old patterns and into a life that aligns with your true needs and desires.
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