Feeling Loved vs. Feeling Wanted

The somatic difference between connection and depletion

Even with the most loving parents, many of us grew up feeling… unwanted.

Not because we weren’t loved. But because that love wasn’t always expressed in ways our nervous systems could register as safety, as warmth, as belonging.

Maybe our caregivers were surviving their own storms — money was tight, emotions were high, trauma was unspoken. And even with genuine love in the room, we may have internalized a quieter, more painful message:

I’m a burden. I’m too much. I’m not really wanted.

When we’re wired for connection and belonging, even subtle feelings of being unwanted can settle deep in our bodies — and stay there.

And it’s not just from childhood. This imprint can come from many places:

• Being bullied at school and feeling like an outsider

• Growing up around conflict, where no one noticed your feelings

• Being the “easy” or “good” child, praised for not needing too much

• Living with siblings who needed more care — and feeling invisible next to them

• Growing up with addiction, where chaos took all the space

• Having caregivers who were chronically ill or emotionally unavailable

• Feeling emotionally sensitive, creative, or different — and misunderstood

• Experiencing emotional neglect, where your inner world was never seen

• Being caught between parents during a messy divorce

• Being praised only for what you did — not for who you were

• Being expected to “toughen up” instead of being allowed to feel

These experiences aren’t just memories. They live in the body.

So even now, as an adult, you might hear someone say, “I love you,”…yet feel untouched by it.

Because love isn’t always enough when your body is still waiting to feel wanted. To feel chosen. To feel like your existence matters.

The Nervous System Knows

If you’ve ever felt unseen in your relationships, chronically depleted, or emotionally distant, even when everything seems okay — this could be why.

You’re not imagining it. You’re not broken. You make so much sense.

And the answer isn’t to think differently. It’s to listen differently.

When you begin to understand why certain situations overwhelm you…When you get curious about why exhaustion hits so hard, or why closeness feels confusing……you begin to unwind the old wiring.

This is the real path to healing: Not fixing yourself. But finally listening to yourself.

And reconnecting in nourishing, body-led ways.

Why “Feeling Wanted” Matters in Intimacy

If you grew up feeling unwanted — even in subtle, nonverbal ways — your nervous system may have never learned what it feels like to be safely wanted.

It may even feel like a threat to be desired. So your partner can say, “I love you,” and still… it doesn’t land.

Because deep down, what you long for is not just love —But to feel wanted. Desired. Chosen. Safe.

And if that’s never been modeled, never felt safe in your body……it’s not something you can affirm your way into.

What You Actually Need

You may be doing all the right things:

meditation

journaling

gratitude

mindset work

…but still feeling hollow, tired, and unseen.

Because what you might truly be missing isn’t love. It’s the embodied experience of being wanted.

Most of us never learned how to feel that. Not clearly. Not safely. Not deeply.

We need:

Nervous system regulation — to create safety from the inside,

Self-attunement, to recognize and respond to our needs,

Emotional clarity — to stop spinning in confusion or self-blame

You’re Allowed to Feel Wanted

As women, we carry so many silent stories:

Too much. Not enough. Too sensitive. Not emotional enough.

But it’s time to return to what you actually need. To listen to what your body has been whispering all along.

If you feel the pull, I’d love to share more.

You’re allowed to feel wanted. Not just loved. Not just needed. Wanted.

In your body, your relationships, your life.